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Many people who talk about adoption focus solely on the baby. The future the baby will have. The opportunities. The blessing that adoption can be in that baby's life. The amount of joy they adoptive family has over the opportunity to adopt the child. Be the advocate for the child. Raise the child as their own. Don't get me wrong, we walked into our adoption with many of the same ideas. We felt lead to adopt and were so excited (and thankful!) for the child who would join our family through this path. But adoption isn't just about the baby. In our journey it broke my heart hearing the awful things people would say about birth mothers in general, many even having the nerve to say them to me directly about our situation. Why do so many people support adoption but don't support the incredible mother's who choose adoption? Today's topic is on love and since I'm on such an adoption kick right now with my posts related to our son's birth story I wante...
I know this is an extremely specific post but this is a topic I personally struggled with and wanted to post on in order to help others who may also be struggling. When matched with an expectant mother in the adoption process it's typically advised to not make any purchases for her during the match. You just don't want to start an unhealthy situation and it's wise to allow any funds being given to the expectant mother to be filtered through the lawyer or agency etc. States differ with adoption laws but we were told that legally we couldn't give her any money etc directly. During my personal match experience I attended many of her dr appointments with her and we had a routine where I'd drive her to and from the visits and also take her out for a meal together, in which I'd pay. She was ALWAYS grateful and we have never had a single issue come up where she asked us for money or items or made us feel like she was in some way wanting something from us. Actually...
It was important to me to put some of my feelings in writing. I express my emotions best through writing. Mama E and I would have a great day together when I'd go to her appointments and then I'd send her a long text expressing how much the day meant to me etc. She seemed to be the same way and I knew my writing a letter to her would be more meaningful than trying to say to her all the things I wanted to say. How can you possibly find the words to thank someone for giving life to your child? For making such an incredibly selfless sacrifice? For choosing you. Giving you their own blood. The baby they carried for 9 months. The one they conceived. They delivered. They love. I struggled a lot with this. In the weeks leading up to Spear's birth I sat at my computer and would start a letter only to end up highlighting the whole thing and deleting it. No words seemed fitting. I knew the letter would have to wait. I'd need to write it in the moment. There was no way to kn...
