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We all have our own crosses to bear in life. We will face struggles and hardships and I try to find God's goodness in all of those type situations. What lessons can be learned? How can I grow from this? How can I turn it into a positive? For the past two and a half years I have been dealing with a lot of personal pain. Long story short: my mom is no longer in our lives and neither is my brother nor the rest of my mom's side of the family. In a nut shell my mom and I never had the most ideal mother-daughter relationship and that only got worse as time went on. Things finally progressed to a point where boundaries had to be set and when those boundaries weren't acceptable she chose to no longer be part of my life. I don't understand why my brother and the rest of the family chose to also not be in our lives, but that's the choice that was made. This situation sucks. And it hurts. And time isn't making it hurt any less. This past holiday season was the most...
You see so many quotes about forgiveness. How it benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven. How it's an essential step towards salvation. How it is one of the keys to happiness. I think often times when we need to offer someone forgiveness we don't even realize it. We harbor hurt and pain and can't quite figure out how to rid ourselves of it. And when people tell us we need to forgive someone it's SO much easier said than done. Sure, you can say "I forgive you." But is that anger inside you still there? The bitterness? The pain? And how to we come to a place where we truly let all of that go? Where we truly do forgive and find peace? And once you do forgive them, does that mean you have to work things out? Try again at the relationship? As everyone knows I've been on a long journey in dealing with family stuff. Not with Zach or the kids, but with my family. The one who I was born into. It's been a struggle and a hurt and a long road. I haven'...
I'm writing this as I have no other way to express to you the things I need to say. I do not know where you are living or any other means to contact you. All I can do is assume that you will happen to read this letter or that someone else will who will tell you to read it. I know you were probably surprised to see us there yesterday at the courthouse. I'm sure B was as well. But I had to come. I had to physically witness you doing this. See you making decisions with the intent to hurt me and my family. Watch you lie. See you avoid my stare, unable to meet my eyes. Literally drive away from your first born. Your only daughter. The girl who you sang to every night promising I'd be your sunshine forever. I will never forget the last time I heard you tell me you loved me. It was last October. After church. In our garage. We kissed and you said it. I didn't realize then that it would be the last time I'd feel your lips and hear those words from you. I realize no...
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